Mathematics After The Fall

I’ve wanted to see the generally well regarded film Enchanted basically since it came out in 2007. It has had decent but not great reviews. I wondered why. Was it really a great film that critics could not appreciate? Was it a good film, justly rated? Or was it a mediocre film brought higher by people looking for any anti-cynicism?

The movie has finally reached Encore, one of the seemingly billions of digital cable channels that I get. Per usual, TiVo assisted me by recording a showing while I prepare exams for my students. As part of my post-grading funk reduction, I watched it last night. Overall, I agree with the reviews, as Enchanted is a good, not great, movie. Parts, like That’s How You Know, are great. The whole movie could be great. The fact that it fails is, I think, a reflection on our current culture.

I don’t want to be overly harsh here, because this movie gets a lot of things right. It begins at the beginning, with glorious 2D hand drawn animation. Sure, Pixar makes wonderful films; WALL-E might have been the best feature shown in theatres last year. They’re great at computer animation, which is different. Computer animation is the realm of imaginary fantasy. It’s not appropriate for fairy tales, which come from storybooks. Traditional animation was needed here, and I’m glad that Disney reversed its crazy decision to abandon cells for this film.

Another nice touch is the use of last names. Animated characters, like Giselle, don’t have any. The father and daughter, who interact heavily, do get a surname, but it’s Philip, another first name. Only the fully real character of Nancy Tremaine has a typical second name, but that is the family name of Cinderella’s stepmother. It retains a fantasy connection, as does much of the movie. For instance, the pigeons bring Giselle her towel after the magical shower.

Then, there’s Giselle. She carries the movie. Yes, Amy Adams is very pretty, but there are lots of pretty actresses. Ms. Adams does well because she understands the princess role. She needs to be naive, but not stupid. Inexperienced and trusting are the right way to play the character. She understands trouble, like the troll, and evil; she’s seen them, and had to escape. But for her, goodness is the natural state of affairs, so these are anomalies; she’s the anti-Leviathan. Any note of cynicism from her would poison the movie, worse than a poisoned apple. I’m glad that Giselle has none of that.

On the other hand, the writers want to make sure we know that the real world is Hobbesian. Apparently, the original draft of this movie had Giselle landing at a bachelor party. While the writers came to their senses, eventually, there are still unneeded crass moments. One is when leading man Robert’s current girlfriend of five years enters one morning. Thanks to slapstick, towel wearing Giselle has fallen onto Robert. As part of her reaction, the girlfriend rants “how I never stay the night, because Morgan is here and you have to maintain some boundries … ” Does she have to say that? Imply more than kissing? No. Sight would have been sufficient. By doing so, the writers felt a need to be cynical. There are a few other needless cynical words.

The biggest statement about the modern era is made through Giselle’s dresses. As Giselle progresses throughout the film, her dresses change. The first is the wedding dress, which is monstrous. As she goes through, supposedly apparel makes her more realistic. So, in the key scene, the Kings and Queens Ball, what does she wear? A gorgeous queen dress? No. A formfitting purple halter gown.

It’s not the worst dress in the movie – the wedding dress is viciously over the top – but there are five better ones. In particular, the second dress, the blue curtain dress, is much prettier than the purple ball dress. Online voters agree. Also, why would she purchase that dress? It’s out of place at a classic ball. Having Morgan, the daughter, help her in the emergency is completely appropriate. It’s sweet. Then, for some reason they buy and buy and buy. The emphasis on shopping, bags, hair, and makeup is not necessary. Was Giselle not gorgeous before “the real world fashion” took hold? (She was; caring for others is beautiful.) This scene serves just to funnel us from Andalasia to Sex and the City.

The ending, well, has some holes. Like moments before, it feels like it was written by people who don’t understand joy. They are trapped in the cynical, sly modern age of Carrie and Samantha. They’re afraid to pull the trigger, to be fully committed to the transformative power of love. That’s a shame. I’m don’t agree with the quote about true love’s kiss – “it’s the most powerful thing in the world”. (Right now, one could argue for H1N1 influenza.) Still, it has more power than is shown here. It seems our society has lost that power. As I finished this movie, I wondered if Snow White could have been made today. Given that the feature awarded Best Picture of 2008, Slumdog Millionaire, began with a scene where a young boy falls into fecal matter, and some in the audience laughed, I worry about that.

Maybe those that are married know about the power. Or maybe, more likely, divorce rates indicate that it’s lost. We need more Giselles in the world. Where is that portal to Andalacia, anyway?

Thankfully, the three best dancers made the final this season. As I did once before, I’ve decided to Tivo-blog the end of the show. One thing I should note is that I prefer ballroom to Latin. Latin styles tend to involve quick leg and hip action. Fairly tall people, like me at 6 foot 1, have trouble physically keeping the beat. It’s not coincidental that the better Latin dancers are shorter. On the other hand, the long flowing lines of ballroom are easier with height and stature. Plus, the ballroom dances have more elegance.

In the group cha-cha, each couple plays to their strengths. Christian and Cheryl stay mostly open, focusing on hips and slides. According to my estimate, they’re hand-in-hand facing each other for only about 20 seconds of their minute. For comparison, Jason and Edyta work in typical ballroom positions, hand-to-hand facing, for over 40 seconds. Instead of hip sway, they dance with a back sway and Jason’s athleticism. Kristi and Mark focus on Kristi, who is at least as athletic as Cheryl and Edyta; they’re hand-in-hand facing for about 30 seconds. Their show moves are spins, because an ice skater can spin like crazy.

After the individual minutes, the couples dance as a group. Jason misses a step, which Bruno catches, and he makes a little cringing smile. Christian has better musicality than Jason. Then again, even with two arms, Christian couldn’t make the final lift seem so simple. The word “Wow” came out of my mouth. Sure, you have two world-class athletes involved, but that doesn’t make it less gorgeous. At the end, they celebrate as a group. That’s one of the great things about this show. Because the judges serve as the foils, and because the contestants understand the purpose of competition, they are often happy for each other.

What is that purpose? Competition and athletics drive us to be better people. We learn strategy, discipline, practice, and teamwork. After the training, however, too many people think of winning as the goal, and self-improvement as the side effect. This is wrong. When playing card games, I used to say that my goal was to play a flawless game, and winning would be a side effect. Card games have random chance. Against someone of equal talent and preparation, my play can guarantee I don’t lose the game, but it will never guarantee victory. Sometimes good players lose. That’s not the point. It’s about what I can control. That difference, playing for effort and not result, made me a better player. And I did pretty well. Similarly, if I were dancing against Kristi, I would lose. She’s got more skill and experience. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try, or gain a great deal from the experience. Besides bringing partner dancing back, for which I am highly grateful, DwtS also puts competition in the proper context. No wonder I like it so much.

Anyway, it’s time for judge commentary. Len mentions Christian’s hips and Jason’s elegance (and agrees with me that he’s better in ballroom dances like the foxtrot), but calls Kristi the total package. Carrie Ann declares Kristi as the winner, hands down. I agree. She is both an athlete and an entertainer, while the two gentlemen are one but not the other. The judges give Christian 8, 9, and 9, for 26; Jason 8, 8, and 8, for 24; and Kristi 10, 10, and 10, for 30. That’s about right.The second half of the show is time for freestyle. Kristi and Mark do a highly technical motown dance, mambo and hip-hop. To give you some idea of the difficulty, Mark does an assisted backflip as the third or fourth toughest trick. There were a few minor timing errors; I noticed two on Kristi’s part. The judges award 10, 10, and 10, for another 30. I’m a little surprised; I thought Len would score a 9, because of the minor awkward moments.

Jason and Edyta dance to Will Smith’s Miami, which is a mistake. It’s a hip-hop song, not a ballroom number. Jason is a ballroom dancer. He can’t win with this, because Kristi is much better in open position dancing. A cabaret number would have been a better choice. They still could have the lifts, full overhead spinning lifts which were at least as good as Kristi and Mark’s. They still could have removed some clothes; as Bruno mentioned, it is like watching centerfolds. Overall, 9, 9, 9 is about right here. It wasn’t as good as the first pair on the ground.

Christian and Cheryl are the last pair; they choose meringue. Here, Christian’s arm injury is a severe disadvantage, because they’re limited to one handed lifts and moves. It’s not that their aerial action isn’t good; it is, but the other two couple are well, well ahead. A bigger problem is that they can’t perform any two-handed dance moves, which means that they’re limited in their turns and even their dancing positions. It’s a very good dance, and Cheryl choreographed it well. That said, in terms of dancing talent and aerial talent, Christian is nowhere near Kristi. He’s not even Jason, even though his scores of 9, 8, and 9 give him a total of 26 for this dance and 52 for the evening.

Going into the final, Kristi has 60, well ahead of the other two stars. She’s been the best and should win. Overall, Jason’s been better than Christian, particularly in the ballroom dances, so I think he should finish second. We shall see.

I fast-forward through the recap, so I started watching with Usher’s Love in This Club. Usher doesn’t get partner dance. His “partner” does the splits, and promenades around. They do a couple turns, but then he just watches. It’s almost predatory. She jumps into his arms. Later, the dancers do a side-by-side choreographed routine, without touching. Parts easily could have been hand-in-hand.

The third place couple is … Christian and Cheryl. As it should be. They receive a group hug and standing ovation. In what sport do semifinal losers get that kind of respect? Why don’t they? On Sunday, Pittsburgh defeated Philadelphia to advance to hockey’s Stanley Cup finals. Say after the handshake, the Philadelphia Flyers received applause from the crowd before the presentation of the conference trophy. It would be the talk of the nation. I’ve seen this happen at a Super 14 rugby final in the Southern Hemisphere. It was so classy. I wish Americans did that. Back on the show, the couple still gets to do their favorite dance, a paso doble to awesome paso music I want.

The recaps begin, with previously eliminated contestants. American Idol is on during the first hour, so there’s much filler here. As Adam Corolla states, this is why the Terrorists hate us. In the juniors, the best couple wins, the 13-and-unders. The boy Brandon gets his wish, as three Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders present the small mirror ball. After all the losers dance, Usher comes out for another group dance number. I like this one better, because he his song “Yeah” and made it a blues club number. He wears a classic white suit, and a couple dancers have fedoras. It’s appropriate for this show.

Finally, in the last half hour, the competition restarts. Kristi and Mark picked their jive. The jive bounces and spins, making it a smart choice. To no one’s surprise, it’s excellent. Kristi even recovers from getting her shoe caught in her pouffy skirt. They receive a deserved 10, 10, 10. Jason and Edyta chose the quickstep, a ballroom dance. Closed position and long leg movements are Jason’s strength. He’s also got good facial expressions here. It is their best dance of the season, in my opinion better than Kristi and Mark’s tonight. Anything less than their first 10, 10, 10 would be morally wrong. Fortunately, the show’s got a good heart. Jason is outwardly happy.

Overall, Kristi and Mark have been the best couple. They are the highest scoring team ever, and should win. After some more plugs, and another commercial break, it’s time for the mirror ball. The new champions are Kristi and Mark! Fireworks explode. Jason and Edyta are appropriately gracious. Confetti rains down. The champions are hoisted into the air. Now, if I could just get the hosts to end the show with “Keep On Dancing”… .

Particuarly with the Daily Show and Colbert Report off the air, my TV and TiVo work as an expensive stereo. In my home wireless network, I’ve connected my TiVo box. With a couple little legal hacks, it can play any music from iTunes. Thus, instead of buying a stereo, when I want to listen to the Chrono Trigger soundtrack, I can fire up the TiVo. Sometimes, when I want to keep track of today’s hits, I’ll tune up one of the many channels on the digital music tier: 5 MTV brands, 3 VH1, 2 BET, 3 country, and two other. Of course, of those fifteen channels, only about two are playing music videos at any given time (and the count is going down), but I will see videos eventually.

One interesting remix is Kiss Me, by New Found Glory, a 21st century boy band. It’s number 1 on the pop countdown on Fuse this week. New Found Glory doesn’t call themselves a boy band, but there are young men, high pitched singing, no depth, and simple melodies. Same thing, different instruments. However, because this boy band isn’t hot, they got mostly actors for their video. In it, shirtless shaved teenagers run around a giant mattress-covered treehouse, engaging in random carousing, jumping, and kissing. There’s very little subtlety, romance, or permanence. It’s a scene, a feeling, for a day. That’s hedonistic, but doesn’t rise to the level of offensive. The original, sung by Christian band Sixpence None the Richer, is just much better. That song was sweet and charming. This new version is basically forgettable.

It doesn’t take long to find something offensive and non-forgettable, though. This month’s example is Soulja Boy and the single Crank That. It’s gotten a lot of airplay, reaching number one on the Hot 100, video charts, and Billboard ringtone charts. I heard undergraduates playing the video at Bellarmine. It’s popular. And it’s offensive. The chorus involves the phrase “Superman that Ho.” My street lingo, well, is practically nonexistant. I shouldn’t have had good expectations given the last word of that phrase, but I decided to look it up anyway. Then I felt sick. I try to keep PG-13, so I have to wordsmith a little here. A male climaxes on a woman’s back. Then, he puts a sheet on her back. When she stands up, the sheet sticks, making it look like Superman’s cape. Often this is performed after a woman is asleep, having refused an offer of sex. I heard that, and I’m sick.

Because it’s catchy, this tune gets played in some college arenas. Would it still be if the DJs checked as I did? Sports Illustrated at least noticed that the act couldn’t be described in their magazine. My thesaurus has trouble finding words. degrading? mortifying? wretched? Here’s a commentary from the paper of the school I knew as wustl, Washington University in St Louis. Somehow, two of the four comments are against the article.

In general, I detest the people who feel that Catholics should remove themselves from society, with special music, special TV, special books, and special activities. There’s still plenty of place available, and retreat is surrender. I’d rather try to create and support positive culture. Sixpence None the Richer can and will win over New Found Glory, a winsome tune over mediocrity. But what do I do when arenas dance to a song about physically degrading a woman? Really, what do I do?